I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
