He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize