you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
