So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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