There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize