she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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