we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
