Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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