My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
