you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
