We need to rekindle our bromance
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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