you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
