Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
