you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
