i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Couch. On fire.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
