So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
