Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
