I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
