i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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