GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
