she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
