i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
