When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
