I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
