anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
