Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
