Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
