and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
