shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
