Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
