at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
