I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
