I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
