Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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