Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize