it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
