i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
