ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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