please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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