Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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