I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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