Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
