you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize