I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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