sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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