Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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