Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
