Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
