Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
