it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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