Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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