i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
