Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
