I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
