Just cropdusted the office
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
