Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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