you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
