my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i think my cat just said my name.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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