I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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