i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
