god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
