Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
