i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
