So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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