I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize