I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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