are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i've created a new STD.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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