we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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